The night I used rose-toy for the first time, I really got to know myself

My name is Emily, I live in Seattle, I’m a social worker usually busy with community psychology projects, and I often participate in public talks on women’s empowerment. To be honest, I always thought I knew my body pretty well — after all, our projects often covered topics like sex ed and self-awareness. But it wasn’t until that night, the first time using Rose Toy, that I realized I actually knew a lot less about my body than I thought.

That night, I stopped using "curiosity" to cover up my desire

I know there have been tons of discussions about the “rose toy” online — I’ve seen it on Xiaohongshu, Reddit, and Instagram. But every time I’d see those glowing recommendation posts, I’d subconsciously just scroll past. It wasn’t resistance, I just didn’t really know how to face that part of my desire that’s hard to talk about.

Just so you know, I’m 33 years old, single, and I dated someone a long time ago, but when it comes to sex… well, that was ages ago. Most of the time, I’d distract myself from my physical needs with reading, working out, or just staying busy. Until one day, a friend just told me straight up at a party: “You haven’t tried the rose toy yet? You don’t know what you’re missing.”

It’s kinda funny — when I got home, I actually looked up “Is the rose toy good for beginners?” Then I clicked over to vibelush’s official site and placed my order within minutes. The site’s design was surprisingly soft and welcoming — no mystery, no pressure to “must buy,” but somehow it felt trustworthy. At that moment, I thought if I didn’t try it now, I’d probably be curious about it forever.

The moment the rose bloomed, I heard my body’s echo

I still remember the warmth in my hand when I first took it out. I’m not someone who gets nervous easily, but that night, when I opened the package and held the toy that looked like a blooming rose, I was a bit hesitant to unwrap it.

Vibelush’s rose toy feels like soft silicone, and the color is very gentle. I went with the light pink one — kinda like the cover of a vintage love letter. It didn’t look like a “sex toy” at all, more like a little secret tucked away in a drawer. There was no aggressive vibe, no teasing energy — more of a quiet feeling waiting for me to come closer.

I tried it around 10 p.m., after a shower, with the lights turned way down low, and Norah Jones playing. Its sucking method wasn’t what I expected at all. It wasn’t just about simple “stimulation,” but more like a slow wrapping rhythm, almost like breathing.

It didn’t take long before I was trembling all over. In that moment, I wasn’t just “made comfortable,” it felt like a switch softly flipped on. I thought to myself: “Wow, I can be like this.”

It was more than pleasure — it felt like a conversation between my body and soul

I used to think orgasm was just a physical reaction — nothing to do with love or relationships, just hormones doing their thing. But that day, I realized that if you really let yourself relax while using a rose toy, it doesn’t just bring simple pleasure — it restarts an inner conversation.

I started paying more attention to my body’s needs — not to chase some “release,” but to let myself step away from the roles of “worker,” “friend,” and “daughter,” and get back to my core self.

Lots of people see rose toys as a way to explore their sexuality, and I totally get that. But more than that, it’s a key to opening a new chapter with yourself. That lightness from inside out was something I’d never felt before.

I used to hesitate, wondering, “Am I being too selfish?” But I found that once I took my needs seriously, I became more understanding of others’ feelings. Because I stopped holding myself back, hiding, or suppressing what I feel. You know, when you stop fighting your body, life gets a lot easier.

Tips before and after use: For those trying it for the first time

To help new friends like me who are just starting to explore rose toys avoid some pitfalls, here are some tips I hope you’ll find helpful:

• Choose the right style: Vibelush has a bunch of rose toy styles. For beginners, I recommend starting with the basic sucking type. Too complicated can be distracting, but simple and straightforward designs help you relax.

• Using lubricants is really important: Don’t be afraid of the extra step. Water-based lubricants make everything softer and smoother, especially if you’re not sure where your sensitive spots are. Lube makes exploring safer and more comfortable.

• Set the mood: Try to use it alone at night with no interruptions. Soft lighting, fresh air, and some of your favorite music or aromatherapy can help you relax from the inside out.

• Don’t pressure yourself to “finish”: Your first time doesn’t have to end in a “result.” You can just focus on feeling and exploring your body’s reactions, putting yourself in a gentle trial-and-error mindset.

• Clean it well afterward: Hygiene is key. Clean it with warm water and toy cleaner (skip the soap) and let it air dry — this basic care keeps it in good shape.

From shy to confident — I’m grateful I hit the “order” button

I won’t say the rose toy changed my life, but it helped me re-discover myself at a crucial moment. It taught me to face my body and desire calmly and to be gentle with the part of me that used to be afraid to speak up.

Now, I use it regularly — not for any reason, but as a little ritual that helps me unwind from stress and anxiety. It’s no longer a hidden object but part of my life, as important as essential oils, reading, or yoga.

Epilogue: You’re not alone, and everyone deserves a rose of their own

We often start being gentle with ourselves way too late. And some things belong only to you — like a rose toy that serves you, pleases you, and understands you.

If you’ve ever felt confused, shy, or ignored the signals your body sends in the quiet of night like I did, I just want to say: taking that first step — the first time using rose toy — isn’t as hard as it seems. It’s not depravity or indulgence, but a sincere way to respond to yourself.

Thanks to the designers of the vibelush rose series for helping me find this flower that belongs just to me. There’s no need to explain your feelings to anyone — just show up for yourself when night falls.